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Thursday, 9 February 2012

Guidelines of Submission

In response to the ridiculous amount of dribble dripping into our email system, we have been forced to change our method of contact to the following:

denzi.mcmess@gmail.com

Denzi has officially locked the doors and thrown away the key to our old email (smoothest.gooch@gmail.com), with the following statement: "please don't bother emailing it [our old email address] asking us questions about how to come-out to your parents (especially when your Dad leads a local fascist party at Burley village hall). We simply just don't care". 

But if you fancy submitting us your cutting-edge piece of electronic music (strictly in a sound-wave form), please acknowledge our new guidelines (below). If you don't, we'll be childish and not invite you to our birthday party. Denzi has also threatened to forward all anomalies to the sex offenders registry.

  • Send us a personal email.
    Don't get us wrong, we are flattered by emails from Record Labels and PR Agencies, but when they're titled 'Dear insert blog name' we're not really going to bother reading it. It takes no Sherlock Holmes to tell, just from the subject name of the email, whether you have sent your email to 1 blog or 9854009 of them. We're not a blog who are pressured into posting any old shit (that at least a dozen other blogs will also post) just because we want to brown nose so-and-so.
  • Who are you for crying out loud?
    We want to know who you are, where you're from, what inspires you and whether or not you have Tori Black's phone number. A short bio and some free stalking is basically what we're asking for.
  • We want pretty pictures.
    Mugshot, DJing action shot, single/EP/LP artwork or even a retro arty vintage scenester instagram photo of you pouting at your feet pulling the peace V will suffice.  Strictly no man tits please.
  • Can we post your music for free?
    Obviously pretty important these days. We don't want the feds or angry Record Labels on our case... again. We've been 'away' recently. What we mean by that is: being held in MI5 headquarters over copyright legality issues concerning us giving away too many free Skrillex tracks (how were we supposed to know his music wasn't actually a practical joke from Rusko?).
  • If you're a DJ, producer or Event Promoter are you playing/hosting anywhere soon?
    And if so can we come? We love watching and listening to live music funnily enough. We love it even more when it's free. We want to come along, buy you a beer, talk about your night or set and let our readers, followers and friends know about how messy it got. 

Follow these pretty easy instructions and your email will be read and replied to. It's as simple as that. (American's would say "period!" at this point?). 

Many thanks, mad love, big ups and all that shit to everyone that has stayed 'locked' to the Gooch over the past 3 years. We hope to hear from you soon and rekindle those beautiful relationships once more.

Denzi & Mcmess x

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