As we know bacon sarnies, Coco Pops, baked beans, more than a couple of pints, the pill, being small, being a woman and basically anything you can think of causes heart disease. Thankfully, scientists have reassured us there are two primary solutions to reduce risks. These solutions just so happen to be the two best things in life: sex and Grum. That's right, keeping young Graeme (pronounced Grum if you stink of Super T and piss) healthy keeps our hearts beating at 128bpm. Over the past 12 months aptly named pharmaceutical rookies Heartbeats and Grum have been working on a new drug named, funnily enough, as 'Heartbeats'; an antidote designed to kick heart disease right in the reproductive organs.
The first thing you'll notice about 'Heartbeats' is that it absolutely reeks of 1980s nostalgia. Imagine a cocktail of Patrick Swayze's armpits and Madonna's pants and you're only halfway there. It's like one of those potent stenches you just cannot get enough of; a strangely addictive scent that will hypnotically leave your eyes rolling into the top of your head for days on end.
With echoes of Alan Silvestri circa Flight of The Navigator, gorgeous opener 'Through the Night' is the immediate high you seek from Heartbeats, propelling us straight into an epic whirlwind of punchy disco-soul. This track has single handedly melted my iTunes.
Through The Night by Heartbeatsheartbeats
'Can't Shake This Feeling'; a fun, semi-rock-come-funk little number dusts away the cobwebs around my old man's knees and pumps pints of Ready Steady Go spunk back into his mind-boggling dance moves. Pete, welcome to 2010 Disco.
'Runaway' is like meeting up with a best mate you haven't seen in a while for a beer; to find he's generally sharper, faster and made only a couple of little tweaks to his already addictive personality.
Remember Bowie's mildly successful second single from Scary Monsters called 'Fashion'? Well, I don't but Graeme certainly does by doing a huge amount of justice on old Ziggy's track by revamping it for all the Gok Wans out there.
Fashion by Heartbeatsheartbeats
'Power' is twinned with the town of Techno and often turns up to a fancy dress party looking something along the lines of this.
What's evident over the last couple of years is that Grum's sound has progressed and lightened; directed more towards over-exciting the roller-disco enthusiasts as opposed to blowing up sound systems in underground Leeds with meaty originals such as 'Woah' or 'Go Back'. All the same, he has still managed to maintain some elements of what we might call 'old Grum' as the mourning synths of 'Cybernetic' confirm. Biasly I'm taking Grum's side of the argument if you were going to make critical comparisons between the repeated robotic 'cybernetic' vocal of this track and P-Thugg's vocodered 'not romantic/too dramatic' from Night By Night.
Self-entitled 'Heartbeats' pretty much epitomizes the album as a synonym of the 1980s, although I must admit I am more partial to Don Johnson's original.
Massively underrated Electric Youth feature on DatA-esque 'Turn It Up', a song that even Madonna wishes she could still do sweaty, raunchy aerobics to. I've got a funny feeling our neighbours wrote this one in regards to our music levels.
Turn It Up by Heartbeatsheartbeats
For over half an hour the pace of Heartbeats keeps the blood flowing as a far healthier and more stimulating substitute to Cheryl Cole sprinkled over some Shredded Wheat. It's at this point that it starts to mellow out and soothe into a beautiful come down.
"Slow, gentle and emotive" is not only a positive review credited to Herr Hitler in the sack but also one way of describing the waltzing 'Want U'. 'The Really Long One' is, as the name suggests, a bit too long for my taste. If you like this track then you're definitely going to like Grum's remix of Magistrates - Gold Lover.
'LA Lights' acts as a breezy, sombre alternative to the fast, exuberant nightdrive of opener 'Through The Night'.
Soaked in a fresh, summer punch of Air and subtle Daft Punk melodies 'Someday We'll Be Together' is a beautiful and fitting end to an album that is nothing shy of mesmeric brilliance.
Someday We'll Be Together by Heartbeatsheartbeats
Please make sure you buy the full album in all its glory from iTunes. When you do you will find yourself with a little encore-bonus-track-treat in the form of Runaway's little, oriental brother 'Transport'. Alternatively, if you're still into CDs pop on over to Amazon.
Grum's Heartbeats is certainly up there as one of my favourite albums of the year, comprised of standout individual songs that will undoubtedly sit firmly in my favourites of 2010.